40 Days & 40 Nights (Updated)

I AM GIVING UP SEX FOR LENT

*Pause for applause*

After talking to my best friend about lent. (She's giving up the love of her life: Mary Jane)
She asked what I was giving up for lent, I laughed, said "The same thing I gave up last year... nothing."
We shared a laugh, continued our conversation about everything else, eventually said Goodnight and hung up.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm obsessively watching the facebook page of "Big" after seeing him befriend yet another idiot stick figure with no soul who he's sleeping with, texting him that "we cant be friends anymore", because my feelings are hurt knowing I spent all of Saturday evening being overly affectionate with him & all of Sunday morning having sex with him in some random Harlem hotel. I spent the remainder of the evening responding, via text, to sexual advances & random flirtation from men whom I've either already had a sexual encounter or was well aware of their desire to have sex with me. 

I woke up this morning & in very dramatic fashion sent my best friend a text proclaiming:

"Sex. I'm giving up sex for lent. It just came to me, like a lightbulb went off in my head. I've been complaining about sex, being unfulfilled, feeling used & more. It makes perfect sense."

Her response: "Wow"

She knows me well, she knows that me giving up sex is pretty damn close to Christ being in the desert with no water.
I reply: "Yup. Think about it. I've slept with every man on the east coast & its resulted in nothing but an STD scare, unplanned pregnancies, nude pics, sextapes & drama. I'm single unemployed & sleeping on the floor of someone’s studio apartment. No man loves me or wants to help me. Sex should not be a priority in my life."

Like I said… I’m dramatic!

So, here I am… deciding for some odd, self involved, social media obsessed reason, to share my journey with you. I am giving up everything sexual (porn, masturbation (who am I kidding?), sex, kissing, fondling, "heavy petting", everything).

I will log the days I’m tempted, going insane, crying, begging for attention & repost in 40 days. (Feb 13th-March 30th)

Wish me luck. I get the feeling, I’m going to need it!

*sigh* DAY ONE

Day One: Somewhere around 6:15pm, I board the 42 bus to school & every man smells divine. I'm asking myself... Are my senses heightened? Why do these men on their way home from a long day of work smell so good? *sigh* Must resist!

Day Two: Valentine's Day -_-

Day Three: I scratched "Masturbation" off the list... Self love is allowed.

Day Four-Six: I'm in Jersey with a dear friend for the weekend, I do some innocent flirting & I awake to a BBM (Yes, I still have a Blackberry... dont judge me!) from someone telling me to meet him in the bathroom. *sigh* Why is temptation everywhere? I politely declined & proceeded to strap myself to the bedpost so I'd stay put...lol

Day Seven: Woke up having an orgasm -_-

Day Nine: "I'm moments away from going to the gym just to ride the bike & feel something in between my legs. This n***a Jesus was wildin in that desert with no water son." -Me to my best friend. (I didn't go to the gym.) (Yes I text in improper English & I call Jesus the n-word, if he can be your homeboy... he can be my nigga.)

Day Ten: Wearing my weekend essentials: Red lipstick, a perfect twist out & a peplum hem bustier, I find myself a little drunk, on the dance floor of a club in the Bronx. Suddenly I see a few familiar faces (3 men), I go to hug the 1st one & he says: "I had a dream about you while I was locked up.", I hug the 2nd one: "You coming home with me tonight right?" As he palms my ass, laughs & fills my cup with champagne. Another man, a complete stranger, proceeded to grab me by the back of my neck, tell me he's an off duty cop & something about me said i liked to be handcuffed. I managed to make it home...alone, not without texting "Still single?... Wanna fuck?" to my "Berger" (Sex & The City fans get it). Luckily he didn't respond until 2 hours later & i was sound asleep still in my clothes & red lipstick.

Day Twelve: "Big" posted a picture online, yet another idiot stick figure with no soul was sitting in his lap. I spent the remainder of the day pretty close to devastated, asking myself if we could really be friends, hang out, show each other affection the way we do when we're together & not develop feeling for each other again. Thank God I canceled our date last night.

Day Sixteen: I had to write "Steak & BJ Day" with step by step instructions on how to give the best blowjob. -_-

Day Eighteen: I had sex! 

He asked me not to say "Fuck me!" because he cared about me & could never fuck me!... -_-
All around fail!...

I failed!

There's always next year!

Sound off! Are you giving anything up for lent? Think I'll make it? Do you believe in fasting? What are your thoughts? Do you want to know if i was still tempted before the 40 days were over?