40 Days & 40 Nights (Updated)

I AM GIVING UP SEX FOR LENT

*Pause for applause*

After talking to my best friend about lent. (She's giving up the love of her life: Mary Jane)
She asked what I was giving up for lent, I laughed, said "The same thing I gave up last year... nothing."
We shared a laugh, continued our conversation about everything else, eventually said Goodnight and hung up.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm obsessively watching the facebook page of "Big" after seeing him befriend yet another idiot stick figure with no soul who he's sleeping with, texting him that "we cant be friends anymore", because my feelings are hurt knowing I spent all of Saturday evening being overly affectionate with him & all of Sunday morning having sex with him in some random Harlem hotel. I spent the remainder of the evening responding, via text, to sexual advances & random flirtation from men whom I've either already had a sexual encounter or was well aware of their desire to have sex with me. 

I woke up this morning & in very dramatic fashion sent my best friend a text proclaiming:

"Sex. I'm giving up sex for lent. It just came to me, like a lightbulb went off in my head. I've been complaining about sex, being unfulfilled, feeling used & more. It makes perfect sense."

Her response: "Wow"

She knows me well, she knows that me giving up sex is pretty damn close to Christ being in the desert with no water.

He's Just Not That Into You!

Yes, its been done before... its the premise of 75% of our favorite romantic comedies, Hell, its the name of one of our favorite ensemble cast romantic comedies. So why am I talking about it now?... because women (myself included) dont get the freaking point!

"HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!"

Six words, perfectly aligned with something every woman claims she wants... Honesty!

So why is it so hard for us (once again...myself included) to accept?

We all know that there are a million reasons why we wont accept rejection and a million different cliche's that we attach to such phrases in relationships but, we're not here for that because men dont think that way. A man is "either into you or not", plain and simple. So here are 3 ways to tell...

He's Just Not That Into You:

ONE: He doesn't call you!

We all make excuses in this technological era for the lack of verbal communication with one another but at the end of the day, every single phone has a "call" option. What every phone doesn't have are apps, video, photo & internet capability.

Why: If a man isn't calling you, he is relying solely upon the convenience of sending text messages. If a man won't change what he's "used to doing" while he's getting to know you, he won't change much once he's gotten to know you.

Ride or Die Chick

As a 26 year old, Black woman from the Bronx, the phrase "Ride or Die Chick" is one I am all too familiar with.

If you're not someone who is familiar or engulfed in Hip Hop culture, allow me to school you really quick. (Feel free to take notes).

The phrase "Ride or Die Chick" (also known as a "Down Ass Bitch"-thanks Ja Rule) was coined by 1990's hip-hop crew The Ruff Ryders, spearheaded by rapper DMX. A "Ride or Die Chick" is a woman who sticks with her man through all circumstances, she's his biggest fan when he's doing well and she's his confidant when he's down and out. A "Ride or Die Chick" will commit a crime with/for you, bail you out of jail, write your resume, get into physical altercations with you as well as on your behalf. A "Ride or Die Chick" is the modern day Bonnie to your Clyde. (Think of every rap song with an R&B singer in between 1990-forever)

The "Ride or Die Chick" ideology is not exclusive to urban culture. Here are a list of women who one might consider a "Ride or Die Chick":

• Hillary Clinton (because Bill did have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky)
• Tasheera Simmons (Ex-wife of rapper DMX)
• Vanessa Bryant (she didn't have to be with Kobe shooting in the gym)
• Olivia Pope (If you watch Scandal, I dont have to tell you why, if you dont watch Scandal...you're the only one.)

I digress. In many cultures the "Ride or Die Chick" is glorified. (Check out the definition according to UrbanDictionary.com). 

Tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary

On Friday December 14th, Adam Lanza killed his mother, a first grade teacher at Sandy Hook elementary in quiet Newtown, CT. Adam loaded three weapons registered to his mother into her vehicle, drove to Sandy Hook elementary school, made his way to his mothers classroom, a neighboring classroom & opened fire. 26 people were killed, 20 of those people were first grade students, no older than 6 years old.

The tragedy at Sandy Hook was the 2nd deadliest mass killing in United States history behind Virginia Tech where 32 people were killed.

The first amendment protects the rights of the press. But in the wake of the tragedy in Newtown, CT... has the press gone too far?

I pose this question because if youve been watching the news over the last 18+ hours then you've seen the faces and heard the voices of scared, confused and innocent children being interviewed about hearing gunshots, panic in their classrooms and whether they "understand" what happened at Sandy Hook yesterday.

At some point today, the press is going to release the names of the victims. 26 victims total, 20 children. 
Is that going too far?

What about those award winning journalistic photos? Like the photo of the children lined up, walking out of the school, holding the shoulders of the child in front of them, led by their teacher.

What about the press attempting to question the parents of the 20 children who were killed only moments after they found out that their child had not survived?

Has the press gone too far?

What are your thoughts?

How Do I Put This Nicely?...

When it comes to sex and relationships, honesty is the best policy but when you cant be tactfully truthful, how do you tell someone an ugly truth about themselves without losing them or ruining the moment?

Here is a list of the 5 most difficult things to tell your partner and some tactful/creative ways to break it to them :

.I.

PROBLEM: Your guy pulls out a large condom when he's better equipped for a "snug fit".
WRONG: "I don’t think you should use the large sized condom."
RIGHT: "Babe, I read something about these twisted pleasure, snug fit, ribbed, warming sensation condoms & i’d love to try them"

• Take out your own condom and find a sexy & creative way to put it on for him.
• Tell him, upfront, that you're worried about the condom coming off inside you because it should be a bit more snug.

Note: It is important to have a variety of your own condoms if you're single or dating so that you have a condom on hand that will fit your partner properly. (Refer to rule #8 of "10 Simple Rules" )

Most Planned Parenthoods have "variety packs" of condoms with a, well... variety of fits, flavors, etc. click the link to find a location near you Planned Parenthood Locator.

.II.

PROBLEM: Your partner has "B.O" (Body Odor).
WRONG: "You're really musty!"
RIGHT: Ok lets face it! There's no nice way to verbally tell someone they have b.o. but you can show & "nudge" them into figuring out what the problem is.

• Buy your partner a few items (body wash, deodorant, smell goods, etc), put it together in a basket & give it as a gift. (Include candles, flowers & other goodies they'd like, to soften the blow).
• If the problem seems to be deeper than hygiene & might be a health problem... casually bring up a fact you learned recently about body odor & underlying health issues, be sure to say you're getting tested & maybe its something you can do together.
• Bathe together & take note of how much effort they put into cleaning their genitals, feet & armpits, if they're neglecting those areas offer to help.
• If their lower regions are the issue, let them know that before engaging in oral sex you prefer to do it when they're fresh out of the shower.

Although these methods are kind of passive aggressive, they can help keep you in the clear romantically & keep your partner in "the clean" :)