“Confessions of a blogger… Movie review/Spoilers/Why Tyler Perry?"

Sweet southern girl swayed away from her Christian upbringing by the Devil disguised as a social media mogul, fast cars, cheating, HIV, secrets & Kim Kardashian in tight dresses with a bad attitude (and bad acting).

If for some odd reason, this doesn’t sound like your life, it’s because it’s no one’s life, it’s the plot of Tyler Perry’s latest movie: “Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor”. Shall we proceed?... Yes indeed!

Disclaimer:

1.  I am a “spiritual” “non-religious” sinner and I make fun of religion every chance I get, if you cant handle that…leave.

2.  I am going to dissect the shit out of this movie, if you cant handle that...leave.

Okay, now that it’s just the two of us, let’s dish.

Healthcare Loopholes

Did you know that if there's a doctor who provides a service you're interested in & your health insurance doesn't cover it, you can have that doctor credentialed through your insurance company so that they will cover the service?

If you know me, you know that I have a crippling fear of thunderstorms. With Summer rapidly approaching (Thunderstorm "season" on the East coast), I decided that I would look into having hypnotherapy to treat my phobia. (Hypnotherapy=the use of hypnosis in treating illness).

Hypnotherapy has been used to effectively rid people of unhealthy eating habits, anxiety, phobias, weight loss, smoking cessation & more.

Because I am unemployed, I have Affinity health plan managed through Medicaid. The mental health services are managed through Beacon Health System. Long story short, I called and asked if there was anyone in the provider network who performs Hypnotherapy and there were, but... Beacon, Medicaid and Affinity won't cover it.

I conducted an internet search and came across a doctor who performs hypnotherapy in my area, she explained to me that I could have her credentialed through the network of insurance providers and she would bill me for psychotherapy, while treating me with hypnotherapy. (Thank God for loopholes in a system designed so that WE could not penetrate it). If I had to pay out of pocket it would be $90 per session and I have to have a minimum of 3 sessions.

Here's what you need to know:

1. Call the "Provider Relations" division/department of your insurance company (You can find a 1800 number in the "Contact Us" section of their website.)
2. Tell them you are interested in having a doctor credentialed and what the process entails. 
3. They will tell you that the doctor needs to send a letter of interest. The letter should consist of:

• Doctor's contact information
• Practice address
• Hours of operation
• Types of services offered
• Languages spoken
• Certifications, Registrations, etc.

3. Have the doctor email, send or fax that letter to the Provider Relations department of your insurance company.
4. After the doctor has been reviewed (based on the need for that particular service in your area), they will receive an application to become a member of the insurance network.

Yes, it is quite a process, but if you're someone in need of a particular service, it is worth the work opposed to money out of your pocket.

Please share with your friends and family. This is information that can save us thousands per household and millions as communities/a nation. Imagine if we all demanded that there be doctors in our provider networks... it would change the bureaucracy in the healthcare system. This applies to ALL insurance companies... not just those managed through Medicaid.

40 Days & 40 Nights (Updated)

I AM GIVING UP SEX FOR LENT

*Pause for applause*

After talking to my best friend about lent. (She's giving up the love of her life: Mary Jane)
She asked what I was giving up for lent, I laughed, said "The same thing I gave up last year... nothing."
We shared a laugh, continued our conversation about everything else, eventually said Goodnight and hung up.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm obsessively watching the facebook page of "Big" after seeing him befriend yet another idiot stick figure with no soul who he's sleeping with, texting him that "we cant be friends anymore", because my feelings are hurt knowing I spent all of Saturday evening being overly affectionate with him & all of Sunday morning having sex with him in some random Harlem hotel. I spent the remainder of the evening responding, via text, to sexual advances & random flirtation from men whom I've either already had a sexual encounter or was well aware of their desire to have sex with me. 

I woke up this morning & in very dramatic fashion sent my best friend a text proclaiming:

"Sex. I'm giving up sex for lent. It just came to me, like a lightbulb went off in my head. I've been complaining about sex, being unfulfilled, feeling used & more. It makes perfect sense."

Her response: "Wow"

She knows me well, she knows that me giving up sex is pretty damn close to Christ being in the desert with no water.

How Do I Put This Nicely? Pt.II (Man Edition)

As you know... March is "Man Month" on Bitchy & Beautiful
So this edition of "How Do I Put This Nicely, is from the guys for the girls...

Here is a list of the 5 difficult things men want to tell women and some tactful/creative ways to break it to them: (With input from Bitchy & Beautiful Male Readers)

.I.

PROBLEM: You think she might've been a hoe in a former life.

WRONG: "You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife."

RIGHT: "I'd prefer not to dwell on your past, lets get tested & get it poppin."

Ok, I don’t know if people really say "get it poppin" like that anymore but if you only care that she has a clean bill of health; get tested together, wait out the window period & commence to fuckin.

Big Johnson says... “Everyone has a history! If u deal with people based on past acts you'd never meet anyone.”

Truth in Lies says:  “The only thing that I don't want to hear about a woman's sexual history is how good another man was.”

Case & Point ladies, have a convo with him, get to know him and if you have a "colorful past" like adventurous bloggers *clears throat* either tell him your "body count" upfront, or tactfully decline to answer the question. After all, every man wants you to fuck like a pornstar without having slept with more than one man. He'll get over it.

.II.

PROBLEM: You're not interested in her. 

WRONG: "You're wack!"

RIGHT: "Relationships & dating aren't at the top of my list of priorities."

(Girls) Regardless of how he says it... you've been dumped. (Read this: Dumped or this: Not into You)

(Guys) Don't expect her to read your mind, if you can't say it nicely but it needs to be said, say it, get it over with & accept that she will always tell her friends you had a small dick. (We don’t admit when we’ve been dumped.)

According to Roe E. the best ways to tell if a man isn't interested in you are:

• Doesn't want to spend time with her. 
• Doesn't ask how things are going in her life. 
• Doesn't show her affection like he used to. 
• Doesn't care about the problems going on in her life.

Honorable Mention: “If I'm not initiating contact, I'm not into her.”-Big Johnson

.III.

PROBLEM: You! (You and your ways are his problem)

WRONG: Indirect, snide remarks.

RIGHT: Say it like you mean it.

When asked: "What are some things you've wanted to say to women but didn't know how to say it nicely?"

Big Johnson said: "That I want some head and just some head"

The God 42 said: "You are a bum and why you still living at home and you go out clubbing and have mad kids. Get your priorities straight."

Roe E. said: "Wear less make-up. Be more natural. Don't follow trends. Be more original. Be comfortable with who you are. Be happy. Be healthy."

.IV.

PROBLEM: You think she might've been a hoe in a former life

WRONG: "Did you have sex with...?"

RIGHT: ...

(Girls) Now, I know I addressed this as number one, but there are men who want to know a number or at least a ballpark or if the amount of men you've slept with can fill a ballpark.

(Guys) I struggled coming up with a "right" way to ask a woman how many men she's slept with, so you're on your own... but thanks to Guy Code: Decoded, here's a little insight into how to ask & what number is an acceptable answer.

"Only an insecure man asks that question". -Big Johnson

"In all reality probably 8-10"- Truth in Lies

"3 to 5"- The God 42

"I would say the number should be somewhere between a handful and no more than 2-3 times the number of years that she has been begun puberty. For example if she’s begun puberty 10 years ago, 30 is probably a somewhat high number. But it's all circumstantial. Everybody goes through phases in their lives that may lead to higher promiscuity than average."- Roe E.

*Gotta love Roe E for the equation.

.V.

PROBLEM: You don't love her.

WRONG: "Bitch, I dont luh you."

RIGHT: "Wow, I'm flattered that you feel that way, but I'm not ready to reciprocate that."

(Guys) Guard your faces, groin, car & anything else you value because if she doesn't burst into tears, she's going to break everything you do love.

This is another one of those things you need to tell someone that you just cant say in a "nice" way. If you don't love a woman... DO NOT tell her you love her. You're just setting yourself up for a lot of shit you cant handle in the long run. Nip that bitch in the bud.

(Girls) Don’t ask a million questions, wipe your tears & decide what you’re going to do. Do you want to stay with him, or do you want to leave?

You know the drill: SOUND OFF! Whose opinions do you agree with? Which contributor do you think is a complete idiot? I'd like to know if you can guess the relationship status of each contributor. Did I leave anything out? Ladies, what would you want to hear? Fellas? What are your thoughts? Comment. Subscribe & Share.

March 14th-Steak & a BJ Day

Finally, guys a day just for you. Valentine's Day is a day where you have to spend money on stupid shit to give to women for whom you have lukewarm feelings. Roses, Candy, Jewelry, Bears, Edible Arrangements... Today is your day and all you need is 2 things! A well cooked steak and mind-blowing BJ!

You're a man, you dont care about the origin of the holiday... you dont need to know why it came about. You're not gonna ask why she's making you a steak and blowing you. You're going to close your eyes, chew & thank your lucky stars.

Here you can find a few easy recipes to share with your woman and a few tips she can use to give you a BJ meant for the king that you are.

BLOW JOB 101

(NSFW)BLOW LIKE A PRO(NSFW)

The most important thing for you is finding your comfort zone and an anatomy refresher course.

Generally, the most sensitive parts of a man’s package are:

• The head—the smooth, round part at the top.
• The frenulum—the cute little flap on the underside of the head. It’s similar to the little flappy thing under your tongue, only smaller.
• The perineum—the area between the balls and the butt.
• The balls.

What follows is how to rock a man’s world without going deep throat (That requires an entirely different tutorial). It’s certainly not the only way to give head. It may not be the best way. And it might not even be a good way if your guy likes different techniques used.

Announcement: The Winner of the Bitchy & Beautiful Reader Appreciation Giveaway is...

Erika Patrice

Erika won a gift bag of E.L.F Cosmetics worth $25

Erika Patrice is a model from New York.

If you'd like to see more of Erika, check her out on Instagram

You can also contact & book her to model or host your event here

Erika Patrice

(CLOSED: Winner Announced) Contest: Bitchy & Beautiful Reader Appreciation Giveaway

When the Bitchy & Beautiful facebook fan page reaches 100 "Likes" I am going to gift one lucky reader with a Bitchy & Beautiful swag bag full of goodies!

Check out the event on our facebook page.

Rules:
"Like" the facebook fan page.
Read & Comment on your favorite posts.
Share the blog and/or facebook fan page with friends.
Subscribe to the Bitchy & Beautiful website.
Update your facebook status: "Countdown to 100: Like the Bitchy & Beautiful facebook fanpage, so I can win!"

One lucky reader will be chosen at random to win $25 worth of merchandise or a $25 Visa gift card.

In order to win, you MUST:

1. Be a Bitchy & Beautiful facebook fan 
2. Comment on at least ONE blogpost
3. Update your facebook status once the page has reached 100 Likes in order to win)

Good Luck!

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day

Here you are, on February 14th without a man, woman or love to call your own & little to no hope that you wont die of heartbreak today.

Fear not! Valentine's Day is a day for love... so start by loving yourself! <Bullshit! I know!

If you find yourself dateless on V-Day, here's a list of things sure to make February 14th quite memorable.

I.

Have a "Waiting to Exhale", anti-Valentines day get together with your single girlfriends.

Order a bunch of She woman man hating movies on Netflix, Hulu, whatever you tech savvy people use.
Pour up lots of wine (or cocktails).

Have a "ritual" and destroy anything that reminds all of you of your ex-boyfriends.
or plan ahead, pick a theme & have your friends play along.

II.

Go solo!

Would you rather spend Valentine's day with that mistake you dated for 6 months before you realized he was a pathological liar OR would you prefer a romantic & relaxing night alone?

Ok, I know some of you are thinking... "I'd prefer my mistake of an ex boyfriend if only for today." but if you're not that girl...

Clean up your place, run a hot bath, pour some wine/champagne, your favorite mood setting tunes & treat yourself to a memorable night.

III.

Go out!

Not every venue in your city is serving tapas. (Dishes meant for sharing).
Hit Google, Bing(search engine of your choosing) & find some events meant for singles.
Not only will you meet some new people but if there are men there... they're guaranteed to be single (What guy is out without his girl on Valentines Day?)
Do something you wouldn't normally do... go bowling, visit a museum, stage play/musical, aquarium, karaoke, or a foreign film.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr "I Have A Dream" Speech

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

Our Place in the Blogosphere

Bitchy & Beautiful article "Scandal: Why Women Hate to Love to Hate Olivia Pope" was featured on "The CityGirl Daily"

I'm very excited to continue writing & hopefully seeing my words in more & more publications. We are definitely building momentum.

Thank you for your support!

Social Gal (Updated)

You can now find Bitchy & Beautiful on Facebook!

"Like" the page & keep up with our latest posts, surveys, behind the scene stuff & personal updates from lead writer and editor Barhynn.

Bitchy & Beautiful on Facebook
(http://www.facebook.com/Barhynn)

::UPDATE::
3 Weeks after launching the facebook page we have
89 Likes
That's amazing progress!
Thank you for your support!
Let's keep the momentum going!

Scandal: Why Women Hate to Love to Hate Olivia Pope

Its 10pm on a Thursday night and if you have a pulse, you're watching ABC's Scandal.

I'm not here to discuss why the show is amazing. I'm here to address why people love and hate Olivia Pope.

Ok, here's an overview of the show. Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington (loosely based on a real person: Judy Smith) is an African American woman and crisis management professional based in Washington D.C, she is a political advisor, confidant to & mistress of caucasian President Fitzgerald "Fitz" Grant (long story short, watch the damn show).

Now, if you're still reading this, you might be thinking... "Why don't people like Olivia?", if you watch the show, you might be thinking... "Why don't people like Olivia?", if you're a woman married to or in a relationship with a man who has a wandering eye, or a man who happens to slip and fall into the vaginas of other women, you might be thinking... "I cant stand that bitch!"

Guy Code: Decoded

I need male perspective for a post I'm working on for Bitchy & Beautiful.
If you are a single, dating, engaged or married man interested in answering between 7-10 questions about your experiences in love & dating... email 20somethingsocialgirls@gmail.com :)
Thanks in advance!

(Note: All participants will be kept confidential)

He's Just Not That Into You!

Yes, its been done before... its the premise of 75% of our favorite romantic comedies, Hell, its the name of one of our favorite ensemble cast romantic comedies. So why am I talking about it now?... because women (myself included) dont get the freaking point!

"HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!"

Six words, perfectly aligned with something every woman claims she wants... Honesty!

So why is it so hard for us (once again...myself included) to accept?

We all know that there are a million reasons why we wont accept rejection and a million different cliche's that we attach to such phrases in relationships but, we're not here for that because men dont think that way. A man is "either into you or not", plain and simple. So here are 3 ways to tell...

He's Just Not That Into You:

ONE: He doesn't call you!

We all make excuses in this technological era for the lack of verbal communication with one another but at the end of the day, every single phone has a "call" option. What every phone doesn't have are apps, video, photo & internet capability.

Why: If a man isn't calling you, he is relying solely upon the convenience of sending text messages. If a man won't change what he's "used to doing" while he's getting to know you, he won't change much once he's gotten to know you.

Ride or Die Chick

As a 26 year old, Black woman from the Bronx, the phrase "Ride or Die Chick" is one I am all too familiar with.

If you're not someone who is familiar or engulfed in Hip Hop culture, allow me to school you really quick. (Feel free to take notes).

The phrase "Ride or Die Chick" (also known as a "Down Ass Bitch"-thanks Ja Rule) was coined by 1990's hip-hop crew The Ruff Ryders, spearheaded by rapper DMX. A "Ride or Die Chick" is a woman who sticks with her man through all circumstances, she's his biggest fan when he's doing well and she's his confidant when he's down and out. A "Ride or Die Chick" will commit a crime with/for you, bail you out of jail, write your resume, get into physical altercations with you as well as on your behalf. A "Ride or Die Chick" is the modern day Bonnie to your Clyde. (Think of every rap song with an R&B singer in between 1990-forever)

The "Ride or Die Chick" ideology is not exclusive to urban culture. Here are a list of women who one might consider a "Ride or Die Chick":

• Hillary Clinton (because Bill did have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky)
• Tasheera Simmons (Ex-wife of rapper DMX)
• Vanessa Bryant (she didn't have to be with Kobe shooting in the gym)
• Olivia Pope (If you watch Scandal, I dont have to tell you why, if you dont watch Scandal...you're the only one.)

I digress. In many cultures the "Ride or Die Chick" is glorified. (Check out the definition according to UrbanDictionary.com).