40 Days & 40 Nights (Updated)

I AM GIVING UP SEX FOR LENT

*Pause for applause*

After talking to my best friend about lent. (She's giving up the love of her life: Mary Jane)
She asked what I was giving up for lent, I laughed, said "The same thing I gave up last year... nothing."
We shared a laugh, continued our conversation about everything else, eventually said Goodnight and hung up.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm obsessively watching the facebook page of "Big" after seeing him befriend yet another idiot stick figure with no soul who he's sleeping with, texting him that "we cant be friends anymore", because my feelings are hurt knowing I spent all of Saturday evening being overly affectionate with him & all of Sunday morning having sex with him in some random Harlem hotel. I spent the remainder of the evening responding, via text, to sexual advances & random flirtation from men whom I've either already had a sexual encounter or was well aware of their desire to have sex with me. 

I woke up this morning & in very dramatic fashion sent my best friend a text proclaiming:

"Sex. I'm giving up sex for lent. It just came to me, like a lightbulb went off in my head. I've been complaining about sex, being unfulfilled, feeling used & more. It makes perfect sense."

Her response: "Wow"

She knows me well, she knows that me giving up sex is pretty damn close to Christ being in the desert with no water.

March 14th-Steak & a BJ Day

Finally, guys a day just for you. Valentine's Day is a day where you have to spend money on stupid shit to give to women for whom you have lukewarm feelings. Roses, Candy, Jewelry, Bears, Edible Arrangements... Today is your day and all you need is 2 things! A well cooked steak and mind-blowing BJ!

You're a man, you dont care about the origin of the holiday... you dont need to know why it came about. You're not gonna ask why she's making you a steak and blowing you. You're going to close your eyes, chew & thank your lucky stars.

Here you can find a few easy recipes to share with your woman and a few tips she can use to give you a BJ meant for the king that you are.

BLOW JOB 101

(NSFW)BLOW LIKE A PRO(NSFW)

The most important thing for you is finding your comfort zone and an anatomy refresher course.

Generally, the most sensitive parts of a man’s package are:

• The head—the smooth, round part at the top.
• The frenulum—the cute little flap on the underside of the head. It’s similar to the little flappy thing under your tongue, only smaller.
• The perineum—the area between the balls and the butt.
• The balls.

What follows is how to rock a man’s world without going deep throat (That requires an entirely different tutorial). It’s certainly not the only way to give head. It may not be the best way. And it might not even be a good way if your guy likes different techniques used.

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day

Here you are, on February 14th without a man, woman or love to call your own & little to no hope that you wont die of heartbreak today.

Fear not! Valentine's Day is a day for love... so start by loving yourself! <Bullshit! I know!

If you find yourself dateless on V-Day, here's a list of things sure to make February 14th quite memorable.

I.

Have a "Waiting to Exhale", anti-Valentines day get together with your single girlfriends.

Order a bunch of She woman man hating movies on Netflix, Hulu, whatever you tech savvy people use.
Pour up lots of wine (or cocktails).

Have a "ritual" and destroy anything that reminds all of you of your ex-boyfriends.
or plan ahead, pick a theme & have your friends play along.

II.

Go solo!

Would you rather spend Valentine's day with that mistake you dated for 6 months before you realized he was a pathological liar OR would you prefer a romantic & relaxing night alone?

Ok, I know some of you are thinking... "I'd prefer my mistake of an ex boyfriend if only for today." but if you're not that girl...

Clean up your place, run a hot bath, pour some wine/champagne, your favorite mood setting tunes & treat yourself to a memorable night.

III.

Go out!

Not every venue in your city is serving tapas. (Dishes meant for sharing).
Hit Google, Bing(search engine of your choosing) & find some events meant for singles.
Not only will you meet some new people but if there are men there... they're guaranteed to be single (What guy is out without his girl on Valentines Day?)
Do something you wouldn't normally do... go bowling, visit a museum, stage play/musical, aquarium, karaoke, or a foreign film.

He's Just Not That Into You!

Yes, its been done before... its the premise of 75% of our favorite romantic comedies, Hell, its the name of one of our favorite ensemble cast romantic comedies. So why am I talking about it now?... because women (myself included) dont get the freaking point!

"HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!"

Six words, perfectly aligned with something every woman claims she wants... Honesty!

So why is it so hard for us (once again...myself included) to accept?

We all know that there are a million reasons why we wont accept rejection and a million different cliche's that we attach to such phrases in relationships but, we're not here for that because men dont think that way. A man is "either into you or not", plain and simple. So here are 3 ways to tell...

He's Just Not That Into You:

ONE: He doesn't call you!

We all make excuses in this technological era for the lack of verbal communication with one another but at the end of the day, every single phone has a "call" option. What every phone doesn't have are apps, video, photo & internet capability.

Why: If a man isn't calling you, he is relying solely upon the convenience of sending text messages. If a man won't change what he's "used to doing" while he's getting to know you, he won't change much once he's gotten to know you.

Whats Your Number? Pt. I

So you're lying in bed with your significant other after months of bliss & (s)he asks... "How many people have you slept with?"

What do you say?
How do you answer?
The real question is... Do you share such an intimate detail of your life?

Well... in case you dont know me, I am all about honesty! But we'll get back to that ;)

According to folklore you have to multiply the number a woman tells you by 4.

But... what if she's honest with you? What if she's been with more men than you've been with women?

When women sleep with a lot of men, they're called sluts! When men sleep with a lot of men, they're called "experienced", "romantic" & "good kissers". Why the double standard?

Men want their woman to be their whore, mother, wife, friend, teacher & everything else!...
How can she cook you a good meal if she's never been in the kitchen?...

Subscribe & follow my "What's Your Number?" series to find out how to answer the scariest question your partner could ask.

Bedside Manner: How To Have A One Night Stand

A friend of mine said she was going to have a one night stand but she wanted to do it just to say she did it. Now, I'm all for sexual liberation but when you're doing something sexually for the wrong reasons, there isn't quite as much gratification as when you do it because it turns you on. Either way, here is how to have a one night stand & walk away with your dignity intact.

DISCLAIMER: IT IS MY PERSONAL OPINION THAT NO WOMAN UNDER THE AGE OF 23 SHOULD HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND. ALL WOMEN SHOULD USE PROTECTION DURING ALL SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS.

1. DO NOT choose to have a one night stand with someone you have any kind of relationship with (i.e. ex boyfriend, friend of a friend, co-worker, etc).
Why?: Because the thrill of a one night stand lies in the fact that you'll (potentially) never see this person again... sleeping with an ex opens old wounds and a co-worker makes for some very awkward Monday morning meetings. Go somewhere that isn't in your usual list of places to hang out, chat with, pick up a hottie and make your way to your location.

2. DO NOT bring him to your house. Either go to a hotel or go to his place.
Why?: If you're not the girl who is comfortable kicking a guy out after sex, letting him come to your place is just asking for a sleepover which can get really weird, really fast. If you go to his place or a hotel, it'll blow his mind when you're all done and all gone.

3. DO NOT exchange phone numbers, BBM's, email addresses, etc!!!
Why?: You had casual, meaningless sex... What the hell is there to talk or text about? The only reason to keep open the lines of communication is to build on what was already established and the only relationship (majority of the time) that will blossom out of  a one night stand is an FWB (friends with benefits).

How Do I Put This Nicely?...

When it comes to sex and relationships, honesty is the best policy but when you cant be tactfully truthful, how do you tell someone an ugly truth about themselves without losing them or ruining the moment?

Here is a list of the 5 most difficult things to tell your partner and some tactful/creative ways to break it to them :

.I.

PROBLEM: Your guy pulls out a large condom when he's better equipped for a "snug fit".
WRONG: "I don’t think you should use the large sized condom."
RIGHT: "Babe, I read something about these twisted pleasure, snug fit, ribbed, warming sensation condoms & i’d love to try them"

• Take out your own condom and find a sexy & creative way to put it on for him.
• Tell him, upfront, that you're worried about the condom coming off inside you because it should be a bit more snug.

Note: It is important to have a variety of your own condoms if you're single or dating so that you have a condom on hand that will fit your partner properly. (Refer to rule #8 of "10 Simple Rules" )

Most Planned Parenthoods have "variety packs" of condoms with a, well... variety of fits, flavors, etc. click the link to find a location near you Planned Parenthood Locator.

.II.

PROBLEM: Your partner has "B.O" (Body Odor).
WRONG: "You're really musty!"
RIGHT: Ok lets face it! There's no nice way to verbally tell someone they have b.o. but you can show & "nudge" them into figuring out what the problem is.

• Buy your partner a few items (body wash, deodorant, smell goods, etc), put it together in a basket & give it as a gift. (Include candles, flowers & other goodies they'd like, to soften the blow).
• If the problem seems to be deeper than hygiene & might be a health problem... casually bring up a fact you learned recently about body odor & underlying health issues, be sure to say you're getting tested & maybe its something you can do together.
• Bathe together & take note of how much effort they put into cleaning their genitals, feet & armpits, if they're neglecting those areas offer to help.
• If their lower regions are the issue, let them know that before engaging in oral sex you prefer to do it when they're fresh out of the shower.

Although these methods are kind of passive aggressive, they can help keep you in the clear romantically & keep your partner in "the clean" :)